Just chillin with my sista again today. Nothing wrong with that. Plan on watching Twilight Zone all day. Effing awesome. Annnyways. Let's see what I can ramble about today...how about....Taylor. I really hate him, but at the same time I have a huge crush on him. It's ridiculous. I probably sound like the very preppies I hate, but this guy is driving me crazy. I swore to myself that I wouldn't have any goddamn crushes my high school career. The stupid thing is, I didn't notice him until the beginning of this stupid year. Clad in his metal shirts and converse. I mean what the hell? This guy is the kind I normally fall for and I didn't even freaking notice him for half the school year....I'm rolling my eyes just thinking about it... And then it's like I'm this total weirdo whenever i have a crush on someone too. While most people follow their beaus around trying to get them to notice them I do the exact opposite. I avoid them, turn my head when I walk by them(that is if I have to), and painfully shy. I'm pathetic. Really, really pathetic. I have to be pertty much 50 feet away in order to even look at them. No wonder none of them talk to me. I probably look like a loner by sitting in study hall and reading on free fridays. Whatever. The perfect guy for me would be the same. Or completely the opposite and asking me why I don't talk. Truthfully, I don't really talk to anyone. Except for all my close friends.
    The only time I've ever talked to Taylor was some time during 3rd quarter when he walked in with his friends talking about some guy who pissed himself. He asked me if I knew who he was talking about and of course I can't talk so I shook my head no. I didn't even think he was talking to me at first. He probably thought I just blew him off. Greeaaat. I spent the rest of the damn year sneaking looks at him through my hair since the way the seats were, he could see my every damn move. That didn't help with my self-consciousness. Not one bit. That's when I started writing my poetry. All about how nervous he made me feel, fantasies, weird things that happened....
    Taylor also had a B-run bus and I would always see him from where Becky, Marbeya, and I would stand. I thought for a fleeting moment that he might actually like me because every now and then, I would catch him looking over at me. But then again, I would like any reason for him to like me even a little bit. Pathetic. I always loved it when it was bright outside because then I could see how his hair would shine. I would wear my sunglasses on these days because then he couldn't see when I was looking at him. Lame. Pathetic. 
    Though towards the end of the year, I saw him talking to a pudgy scenester looking girl and I remember feeling so jealous. That kinda woke me up to how nothing would benefit either of us if I continued to like him that way. So, then I would be more comfortable in study hall and wouldn't care if he walked by my table at lunch to get to his. Though, I would still look for him eveywhere I knew he would pop up. Hell, I still look for him. Even though we're out of freaking school. The rationale of my mind says that he could be anywhere near New Lenox since he goes to Lincoln Way. He could be closer to me as well since he was a B-run bus. So then, I look in every car and watch my every move. There's something wrong with me..... He doesn't even know I freakin exist so screw it.